


and i saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills

by umbrellawarriors



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, but also some magic i think, but not like a lot?, cheesy winter's crest music is cheesy christmas music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-09-22 09:12:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17056955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/umbrellawarriors/pseuds/umbrellawarriors
Summary: She rolls into town with the rising sun, a jar of pennies and a bag of half-eaten beef jerky in her passengers seat. She puts her car in park beside the WELCOME TO WHITESTONE sign, the old beat-up hatchback covered in faded bumper stickers wheezing to a stop. She’s interested in the sign, but not the part cheerily welcoming visitors off the highway, no - she wants to see the back.Trudging through the half-melted slush, she picks her way over, praying things haven’t changed. That the old tree stump is still there to be used as a boost up (it is), and that the little piece of herself is still there. She smiles when she sees it, runs her fingers over it, the little, simplistic bear she carved into the sign nearly a decade ago.Yeah, Vex’ahlia thinks. I’m home.





	1. landslide brought me down

**Author's Note:**

> the product of writing when i'm all up in my feelings and listening to landslide on repeat. lemme know what yall think! also - wham! exists in this.

She rolls into town with the rising sun, a jar of pennies and a bag of half-eaten beef jerky in her passengers seat. She puts her car in park beside the WELCOME TO WHITESTONE sign, the old beat-up hatchback covered in faded bumper stickers wheezing to a stop. She drove through the night and stretches a bit before exiting her car. She’s interested in the sign, but not the part cheerily welcoming visitors off the highway, no - she wants to see the back.

Trudging through the half-melted slush, she picks her way over, praying things haven’t changed. That the old tree stump is still there to be used as a boost up ( _ it is) _ , and that the little piece of herself is still there. She smiles when she sees it, runs her fingers over it, the little, simplistic bear she carved into the sign nearly a decade ago.

_ Yeah,  _ Vex’ahlia thinks.  _ I’m home.  _

* * *

 

Vex sits by the sign perhaps a little  _ too  _ long, judging by the winter chill seeping deep into her bones. She shakes herself out of her little reverie, and hustles back to her car. She checks her phone while she waits for her heater to kick on - 15 new texts in the last eight hours.

 

**Keyleth:** wait, are you actually coming back this time??

**Keyleth:** bcause you said that last yr

**Keyleth:** and the year before

**Keyleth:** vex if you don’t wanna come u don’t have to

**Keyleth:** i know it’s a long drive

**Keyleth:** and a lotta memories

**Keyleth:** but we’d love to have you, nonetheless.

**Keyleth:** <3

 

**Grog:** hey. com 2 whiteston. arm wrestle? unless u r coward.

 

**Percy:** Vex, we miss you. If you don’t want to come for Winter’s Crest, that’s understandable. Maybe we could come to you, though.

**Percy:** No one should be alone this time of year.

 

**Scanlan:** soooooo… any requests for the winter’s crest playlist? b/c i’ll play your favs if you come… even wham!

 

**Pike:** can i tell everyone you’re on your way yet? Or do you still want it to be a surprise?

 

**Vax:** hey.

**Vax:** happy winter’s crest, stubby.

* * *

 

She shoots off a quick text to Pike, letting her know she’ll be at the temple of Sarenrae in half an hour, and drives her car down the back roads of Whitestone. She knows she could find it with her eyes closed in the dark, but Vex still drives slowly, afraid the years will somehow dull the memory of this place in her mind. 

She pulls over at a sudden fork in the road, and hops out of the car. Vex walks in a short while into the woods, before coming to a familiar clearing. She almost has to laugh, really - everything’s the exact same as it was when she left it, three years ago. The downed tree that she used to prop up empty bottles for target practice, the hay bale she stole from Keyleth’s family farm to serve as both another target and a comfortable seat, the cooler she had drunkenly lugged out here. Vex couldn’t be paid to touch the cooler now - it was moldering and disgusting, everything that had been inside either gone or certainly past its sell by date. Her little refuge, for so many years - it hadn’t really changed, not much. Not in any of the ways that counted.

Vex stands here, briefly, relishing in the memories of this place. She had come to this little clearing any time Syldor had pissed her off enough that she felt the need to run, to leave. She had found the clearing when she was only thirteen, and had come here to yell, to cry, to fall apart. When she turned fourteen and got her first bow, she came here to shoot. 

It was her place, where she allowed herself to break apart, where she would fix herself. Vex never brought Vax here - she knows he had his own spot to go when things with Syldor reached a boiling point. 

She did bring Percy here, once. A few months before she left. Vex wonders, faintly, if he ever came back to this place on his own. If he missed her as much as he claimed in his texts. 

Vex’s phone chirps suddenly, snapping her out of her thoughts. It’s Pike, saying it’s been half an hour,  _ dammit,  _ now where is she?  _ Vex, you better not be chickening out of visiting, godsdamnit -  _

Pocketing her phone, Vex leaves the clearing, and her thoughts, behind.  _ Good things ahead,  _ she thinks.  _ Only room for good things ahead. _


	2. even children get older

**Winter’s Crest eve, 12 years earlier.**

Vax is pretty sure he’s never heard his sister cry before. Sure, she cried when they were four and throwing temper-tantrums, and then when they were nine and she wrenched her ankle falling out of the tree in the center of the Byroden marketplace. But he can’t think of a time when she’s cried because of true, heart-wrenching sadness. 

And, besides, any time she did cry, their mother was there to hold, to console. Sometimes she’d tell these amazing stories about princes with funny names and mysterious secrets, who had to fight ghosts and pirates and other fantastical creatures. Their mother, Vax had decided, was the best storyteller to ever exist. Better than any bard, surely. 

But the twins are eleven, now. And it’s their first Winter’s Crest with Syldor. He had asked them, in one of his rare, kind moments what they had wanted for the holiday. Without hesitation, they had both asked to visit their mother. 

Syldor had sighed, and bent down to the twins’ level. He had looked so tired, Vax had thought. Dark circles around his eyes, his hair slightly disheveled. Syldor had always struck Vax as a sharp man - no gentleness resided within him. But there was a softness in his eyes, for a minute. A tiredness, a deep-seated ache.

“I didn’t want to tell you until after the holiday, no need to ruin Winter’s Crest for you forever,” he said, smoothing back some of Vex’s loose hair. 

They all pretended this wasn’t an odd gesture for him. 

“There’s been an accident. There was faulty wiring in her house, and I’m afraid she didn’t make it.”

“Mother… died?” Vax had asked, voice small. “She’s gone?”

“Frankly, it’s a miracle I found you two before the house went up in flames, or else you might’ve been there, too,” Syldor had said, standing back up to his full height and dusting off his knees. Gentleness gone. Fatherly duty done. 

Vex blinked. “Excuse me, father,” voice full of emotion, and bolted out of the room.

Syldor barely looked at her twice before she left, already diverting his attention back to the financial documents resting upon his desk.

All Vax saw before she left was the tears already spilling down her cheeks. This time, no mother to console her, to wipe away her tears. No more stories of the mysterious prince. 

* * *

 

For Winter’s Crest that year, Vax got three free archery lessons. Vex got a silver penknife. 

They swapped gifts that year.

* * *

 

**From the weeks leading up to Winter’s Crest, nine years after.**

**Vax:** you don’t have to see him this year, i promise. 

**Vax:** but we should be together this time of year

**Vex:** I’m sorry.

**…**

**Vex:** Trinket says hello! Vet gives him a clean bill of health! No more eating whole bags of marshmallows he swiped out of the closet!

**…**

**Vax:** it’s been 10 months, stubby

**Vax:** mom wouldn’t want us to be alone on winter’s crest

**…**

**Vax:** Keyleth just used the word DILF to describe scanlan.

**Vex:** i think he told her it means dude i’d like to friend

**…**

**Vax:** do you remember how mom used to make those cookies that looked like reindeer? 

**Vax:** did she ever show you how to make them

**Vex:** She didn’t, I don’t think.

**…**

**Vex:** Will be flying today, phone’s dying. Will text when I find a charger in this airport. 

**Vax:** fly safe, stubby.

**…**

**Vax:** do you know where my knife went? the silver one? 

**…**

**Vax:** you should’ve been here. 

**Vex:** I should’ve been a lot of things.

 


	3. i'm getting older, too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how i wrote half of this: landslide (the dixie chicks version) on repeat, under a bunch of blankets in a dark room. how i wrote the other half of this: 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton on repeat, sitting upside down in a chair, drinking sangria  
> lmao @ my past self thinking i could update this at a regular schedule, sorry y'all. this is NOT being abandoned i'm just a gremlin.

**Present**

She leans against her hatchback, letting the early-morning sun beams warm her face. She’ll wait. 

The parking lot is empty, save for her and an all-too familiar pick-up truck, covered in a fine layer of mud, with an abundance of scratches and dents hiding underneath. The air is crisp, and the morning is peaceful.

“What? Too good to walk into Sarenrae’s temple now, huh?” calls a familiar voice, breaking the morning quiet.

Vex cracks open one eye, and breaks out into a grin at the short form of one Pike Trickfoot. 

“I figured Your Lady would want you spending this beautiful winter morning outside, not cooped up all day with your Papaw Wilhand.”

Pike snorts, “yeah, well if She wants to organize the Winter’s Crest service, then she’s more than welcome. C’mere,” she says, pulling Vex into one of  _ the most  _ bone-crushing hugs she’s ever experienced.  

“It’s good to see you, Pikey.”

“Well, I’d imagine. I’d be excited to see me, too, after three years,” Pike says, only slightly judgmentally as she walks around Vex’s hatchback to get in the passenger’s seat. She tosses aside the opened bag of beef jerky with a grimace on her face, and holds up the jar of pennies with a questioning look on her face. Rather than answer, Vex just shoves the jar into the glove compartment, leaning over Pike to do so.

“Where’s Trinket?”

“Tary’s dog-sitting. I didn’t want to make him go cross-country with me in a car for a short trip, that’s not fair,” replies Vex, turning the key. 

“So it’s a short trip, then?” asks Pike nonchalantly, kicking her feet up on the dashboard, and pretending to examine her cuticles.

“Ugh, I don’t know. Don’t put words in my mouth.” Vex sighs, pushing Pike’s feet off the dash. “Respect the car. No feet on the dash.”

“Sorry.” Pike replies, genuinely, and Vex knows she isn’t apologizing for the dirt on the dash. 

They drive in silence for a few moments, pulling to a stop at a red-light by their old high school. “So… how is everyone?” asks Vex, fingers drumming against the wheel. 

“Scanlan and I are dating” Pike volunteers.

“Wow, really?”

“I know, right? I don’t know what happened, either.”

“And everyone else?” Vex prompts.

“Well, I’m sure you heard Kaylie’s started talking to Scanlan again. And Grog’s gym is finally starting to turn a profit. Keyleth got a job monitoring the population levels of some type of fox or something? She’s real into it. Ask her about it, she’ll talk for four hours. Percy’s been… well, honestly, he’s been better. I worry about him, sometimes. Vax too.”

“Are they okay?”

“Well, Vex,” says Pike, shifting in her seat. “I think that your leaving hurt them a lot more than they ever wanted to let on. And I’m nervous about what your being back will do.”

“Oh.”

“But hey,” she says, grabbing her hand, holding tight, “I am so, so,  _ so  _ glad that you came back, anyway. We missed you.”

“I know it probably doesn’t seem like it, what with the three years and everything, but I missed you too, Pike,” Vex replies, taking a hand off the steering wheel to grip Pike’s tightly. 

The light turns green, and Vex continues to drive, past the high school, past the football field with its metal bleachers, past the nicely-kept houses that only the wealthiest residents of Whitestone could afford. Pike says nothing, but makes a mental note of Vex’s route, the three minute detour she takes to avoid the Feywild Estates, the housing development in which her father resided. 

They pull to a slow stop in front of the Trickfoot home, a cheery building long-ago painted yellow. The shutters are crooked, painted a peeling mint green, and the yard has an equal mix of colorful flowers and scraggly weeds. The Trickfoot home, for all intents and purposes, should look run-down and sad.

But Vex knows better - she knows every inch of this property, and that every single bit of it is filled with love and laughter. Yes, it might be worn and tired, but Vex has always thought this little house on the corner of Kymal Avenue was the closest she’d ever get to heaven. And besides, Vex has lived in one of the nicest looking homes in town; a manicured lawn and grand entryway does not a happy home make. 

She stops to point and laugh at something in the large, overgrown Japanese maple by the door. Pike turns, looking to see what’s caught Vex’s fancy, and laughs with her when she sees what it is. Standing, almost guard-like in front of the base of the maple, is a cracked and damaged garden gnome. It’s missing its left hand, and the tip of its rounded boot is long gone, his nose partially cracked, but Vex recognizes the gnome. 

Pike’s Papaw Wilhand has always had a thing for garden gnomes - Pike liked to joke he found a certain kinship with them, based upon the whole family’s rather short stature. The garden in the backyard had, at Vex’s estimation when she was in high school, approximately ten billion gnomes in between the orderly rows of tomatoes and snap peas. For Pike’s birthday, the year she turned nineteen, Wilhand had given her what was, quite possibly, the ugliest garden gnome on the face of the planet. 

It was truly, undeniably horrifying. 

So Vex and the gang had taken it upon themselves to make the gnome more palatable. And originally they were supposed to just make it cute, nice. Maybe repaint its face. But then Scanlan had painted little marijuana leaves on his blue overalls, and Vax had sculpted a little fake joint, and thus, Weed-o the Marijuana Gnome was born. 

“I didn’t know you kept Weed-o!” Vex cackles, whipping her phone out to take a picture.

“Of course I kept him, he was one of the most thoughtful gifts I’d been given!” Pike crosses her arms, trying to bite down the smile threatening to show on her face. “He’s family!”

“I can’t believe you’re a pastor,” laughs Vex, shoving her slightly. 

“I’m a pastor, I’m not dead!”

Vex chortles, and leans under the maple to grab a hold of Weed-o, getting some dirt on her already dirty jeans and a cobweb in her mouth for all her troubles. “He deserves to come inside, he’s been out here alone for like, three, four years!”

Pike smiles in a way that Vex can tell means she wants to say something, but instead, she just opens the front door and they go inside together. 

“Are you planning on staying here, or with Keyleth and Vax?” Pike asks as they enter the kitchen, plopping into one of the many mis-matched seats at the circular dining table. She kicks her feet up, and starts going through the large stack of unopened mail laying there. 

“I actually don’t know, really.” Vex lowers herself into one of the newer looking chairs, one with a blue seat cushion and a wicker back. “I haven’t told anyone else I was coming back.”

“Wait, what? You said surprise when you texted last week, but I thought you just meant like, Scanlan and Grog. Not your brother!” Pike sets down the mail. 

“I didn’t want to make any promises I couldn’t keep. I wasn’t sure I’d be coming or not. Things were… really up in the air before I knew if it could happen or not.” Vex sighs, putting her head in her hands.

“When were you planning on telling him you’d for sure be back?” 

“I don’t know Pike!” exclaims Vex, frustrated, getting up and anxiously pacing around the kitchen. “I didn’t want to hurt him if I chickened out again. It’s why I drove instead of flew, I knew I could turn around any time I wanted.”

“Again?” asks Pike, quietly. 

“Vax never told you?” Vex turns around, leaning against the linoleum countertop, reaching to hold on to Weed-o.

“Told us what?” 

“I was planning on coming home for Winters Crest three years ago. Bought a plane ticket and everything.” 

“What happened?” 

“Well, I got on the first flight,” laughs Vex, bitterly. “And then while I was waiting for the second one - layovers, you know? - I just had a real sinking feeling, and I knew I couldn’t come home. Not yet. So I bought a plane ticket to Marquet, spent five days there. It was nice. Vax didn’t talk to me for two months after that.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Vex cradles Weed-o tight to her body, as if he’s a security blanket and she’s a small child. “I didn’t want to get his hopes up again.”

“Why didn’t you… why wouldn’t you come, Vex?” Pike asks, standing up from the table and walking over to squeeze her hand. “I know things were… well, difficult for you, last time you were home, but everyone here still loved you and would’ve loved to see you.”

“I just couldn’t. And I still don’t know if coming home this year was the right choice.”

* * *

 

**From the day of Vex’s flight to Whitestone, three years earlier.**

**Vax:** stubby, wya? ur flight landed and everyone’s at baggage claim???

**Vax:** did u miss ur flight?

**Vax:** held up in security?

**Vax:** seriously where are you

**Vax:** vex, you’re scaring me

**Vax:** Vex’ahlia. Seriously. 

* * *

**From approximately five and a half hours later.**

**Vex:** I’m sorry, I just couldn’t. 

* * *

 

**From the two months following.**

**Vex:** I sent you a postcard from Marquet, lmk when you get it

**Vex:** flying today, will let you know when I land.

**Vex:** Landed. 

**Vex:** why does Scanlan want to know if i bought any “special spice” in marquet?

**Vex:** I found a recipe for cookies that look a lot like mom used to make

**Vex:** Seriously? I know i fucked up, but you’re just gonna ignore me?

**Vax:** you should’ve been here.

**Vex:** I should’ve been a lot of things. 


End file.
